Dear Moneyist,

My husband and I grew up in the dust – I mean, he had literally holes in the ground where we could see the dust. I was pretty much better, my single mom was supposed to get married and did not need to understand how credit worked, for example (her father was a loan officer; it was another time) . We sometimes had some money and other times we ate at local churches.

"Our only assets are in a sock drawer."

As a result, my husband and I suffer the same harm. From time to time, we were given money to buy treats, sweets, potato chips, soda, and so on. This is the only time the money would go through our fingertips and it would be gone in minutes to an hour. At the end of the day – we only know how to spend and not how to save. We live only for the moment in matters of finance.

"It has become a serious problem."

• We are celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary.

• We have an 11 year old son.

• Between us, we have 3 teenage children from previous relationships who do not live with us.

• We live in Texas.

• We have no life insurance or "savings" and we rent the condo in which we live.

• Our only assets are in a sock drawer.

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My husband does not believe in "credit" ("everything is made up of numbers"). He also does not believe that we can afford life insurance, even if we dine at the restaurant several times a week. My husband does not have a bank account and the man is the owner of a subcontracting company. (Literally, he cashes checks in a mall for exorbitant fees, and who knows where that money is going.)

"We do not seem to believe in health insurance either."

About two and a half years ago, we bought a property in the woods, near a lake, and installed a small hut. That's where my husband wants to retire. It's valued at $ 38,000, we owe $ 29,000. We live in a holiday city and in 5 or 10 years we will not be able to afford it. We accumulated $ 10,000 in credit card debt after my husband 's fall and a fracture to my bones last year.

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We do not seem to believe in health insurance either. We are both in poor health, we pay the money for the dentist's visits and my son's doctor, and because I am of Native American descent, my son and I can run free to Oklahoma for major health needs. I had to go to the emergency room last year. I pay $ 30 a month for this bill, there is no interest on the account, so I can take my time to pay it back. My husband does not pay his medical debt.

"My situation is a little different"

I was pre-law in college. I always thought that you had to educate yourself as much as you could, no matter what your personal situation. That's why I've been reading your letters for years and looking for ways to improve my situation for months.

• I think it's important to save a little money even if you do not make a lot of money. (And I have about $ 400 saved on a money market account that I opened 2 months ago.But me, it's a big deal.)

• I believe that the poorest people are most in need of life insurance. (Have you ever watched "A tree grows in Brooklyn?" This mother paid the man's life insurance before putting food on the table!)

• I also think it's important to invest the little you have, even if it's a small amount you spend at Chili's Restaurant. I have an improvement account used as an additional savings instrument because over the years, some bonds and some funds tend to be a safe place to keep money and the money. sometimes grow a few percent, which is a bit better than the money market account.

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I also have a Robinhood account on which I have deposited a tiny sum for investment testing, which I will only do after extensive research on the TD Ameritrade platforms on the account. I do not engage in day trading or swing trading, I just look for safe opportunities with minimal risk patterns and small growth possible.

"This is how I approach our finances"

• I do not believe that you should give children money to buy something you buy. (If I want my son to have an ice cream, I buy him one, and if I give him some dollars, they go to the "bank" I have prepared for him at home with a check register. Sometimes he will spend money to buy an expensive item, and recently he bought a $ 30 book.) I do not believe in "disposable income".

• My company starts a 401 (k) program with Mass Mutual with a 25% match. (It's not a lot, but free money is free money, unfortunately as a beneficiary I think my husband should sign it.)

• $ 7,000 of the credit card debt we have accumulated is on my credit cards – and I earn only $ 12 an hour.

• My husband has always said no to saving and investing. He is therefore not aware of the accounts mentioned.

• As I said, we are in poor health and need life insurance, but it's not something I can get on my own. Our youngest child is only 11 years old.

"My husband has always said no to saving and investing."

Do I register in 401 (k) or am I waiting for the repayment of my credit card debt? Can I take out life insurance on my husband without his permission? Even maybe last expense? (Oh, I have an AD & D policy of $ 50,000 for me and $ 25,000 for my spouse or child, with my sister as a beneficiary.It costs me $ 10 a month.

Do you see what I mean about affordability? She is also the trusted contact for all other accounts because she understands that I try to protect some of our money from the wasted money we spend each month. )

I know that all the income I could see on an investment is nothing compared to the interest on credit cards, which I was charged to repay on my own.

Basically, I do not have a plan. And I need one. Help me. Thank you.

Secret Saver

Dear saver,

Your case is a classic, classic, example of why you should discuss your financial approach before getting married. This not only affects your happiness, it has multiple effects on your peace of mind, your children's future, their education, your ability to retire early or not at all, insurance against the type of health emergency that can threaten bankrupt families and cost them their home lives.

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The health costs borne by Americans aged 65 and older who use Medicare accounted for about 41% of the average income of social security in 2013, according to the non-profit organization Kaiser Family Foundation. It expects these costs to reach 50% of the average social security income by 2030. We are all temporarily disabled. As you get older, it changes. You need a plan.

"Making minimum payments on your credit card is a long way that leads nowhere."

Continue contributing to your 401 (k) plan. Your husband does not have to sign as a beneficiary. You do not even have to name your husband as a beneficiary. Your husband may be beyond your expectations, but explain to him that for someone who does not believe in debts, he should not have accumulated $ 7,000 on your credit card. This should be your # 1 priority. The interest will continue to accumulate.

Let me put your credit card debt in perspective. A credit balance of $ 7,000 with an annual rate of 18%, with a minimum payment of 2% of the balance, or $ 10, whichever is greater, would take 188 months, or nearly 16 years. Making minimum payments on your credit card is a long road that leads nowhere, and making no payments will result in debt collectors and more stress.

You can sit with your husband to explain how you want to plan for the future. I do not know what kind of childhood or education he has been suspicious of institutions, but he needs to see the consequences of his actions in black and white. If that fails, keep making your own plans and no longer allow him to make purchases with your credit card.

"Keep inculcating your financial values ​​to your kids."

Another board of a financial advisor. Tristan Harding, Insurance Manager at PNC Wealth Management, asks you to discuss your health issues with a trusted professional and consider life insurance. "Life insurance would be able to pay off your credit card debt and be used to replace your husband's income at least until your son is no longer a dependent."

Continue to instill your financial values ​​in your children. More than a fifth of American teenagers lack of basic financial literacy skills. China had the world's most financially-educated teens in assessing the knowledge of 15-year-olds in science, reading and mathematics in 15 countries. In the United States, ranked # 7. Teaching your kids to work for what they 've got is priceless.

The current administration is rolling back Obamacare or the Affordable Care Act, which would help low-income people with pre-existing conditions. If you do not have health insurance in your job, You can read more here about the benefits in Texas and here for cheaper options and Medicaid. A legislative effort is underway in Texas to eliminate the Affordable Care Act.

"Living paycheck is not the answer".

Your question has been discussed in a lively and dynamic way on the Moneyist Facebook page. One member described your husband as an "isolated" type. He sincerely fears institutions and bank accounts. Given the number of data breaches, who could blame him. But live paycheck is not the answer. In one way or another, with the help of the family, you must help to see that.

The difficult news: It may be that your love for your husband and your need to secure your future become choices that exclude each other. I believe you have the will and obviously the intelligence to build a financial future for you and your children. When you have done everything you think you can do, you may have to make a decision.

Two more things: good luck. Staying in touch.

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